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How to let go of someone you love

Estelle J. Garrido

Loving or caring deeply for someone is the most human thing we can do, even though that can sometimes bring pain. Some couples who loved each other at some point now can’t even stand to stay in the same room. Letting go of someone you love is the toughest thing you’ll have to do, but sometimes letting go is the best thing to do.

Sometimes people change so drastically into someone we don’t like that it becomes hard even to look them in the eye. You may love someone with everything you have, and letting go may hurt worse than staying together. But it’s better to let go than to stay in a toxic relationship.

It only hurts to let go of someone you love. If you feel pain when letting someone go or moving on from them, you genuinely love them. Staying with a toxic partner or family member can cause serious damage to your well-being. The toxicity of a loved one can not only cause emotional and mental damage, but it can also cause physical damage if the relationship is abusive.

Keeping a toxic person in your life can hold you back in many ways. Constantly worrying about what a particular person might think and how they might behave can seriously hamper how you live your life. You will not have the freedom you deserve and won’t be able to concentrate on the things you need to accomplish if you keep toxic people in your life.

Because letting go of someone is one of the hardest yet most necessary things, we want to educate people to make it a little easier. In this article, we want to inform our readers of the steps they can take to make moving easier.

How to let go of someone you’re fond of?

Letting go of people you care about or moving on from a long relationship are some of the hardest things you’ll have to do. The memories will keep haunting you for a long time, and you will spend countless sleepless nights. You will spend every hour thinking about what could have happened differently and how you could have acted to prevent any of this from ever happening.

The nostalgic thoughts of the past will drive you crazy. Your emotions will tell you to return to your partner to regain normalcy. Your emotions will make you forget the horrendous experiences that led you down the path of separation in the first place. The overwhelming state of emotions will make you feel like everything you worked to create is meaningless.

Your thoughts will keep haunting you no matter what you do, and you will feel like you’re losing your sanity. But we humans are built in such a way that we can control not only the environment around us but also our minds. If you don’t start controlling your thoughts and emotions, you may lose control of your life altogether.

We have attempted to provide solutions to help you overcome your recent separation, breakup, or grief. By carefully understanding what we tried to say through this list, you will have an easier time coping with your grief.

The list of things to do to cope with the feeling of letting go of someone is as follows:

• Control your emotions: The first thing you must do to cope with letting go of someone is managing your emotions. Your emotions can overwhelm your mind and make you do stupid things you would never do. You need to keep your emotions in check by reminding yourself why you decided to separate in the first place and how the bad times are bad you feel. You can gradually heal yourself if you manage to control your emotions during the first couple of weeks of separation.
• Control your thoughts: When you’re too emotional, your mind starts to run wild. an emotional mind makes you think and overthink everything around you. You should do your best to cancel out any thoughts of the person you’re letting go. Do not think about the relationship you’re moving on from; rather, think of things that not only benefit you but also satisfy you. Try to focus your thoughts on productive things and things that reward you. By thinking and doing rewarding things, you can control your thoughts until they don’t hurt anymore.
• Stay busy: You should spend your time on things other than your failed relationship. Letting your mind idle will pave the way for bad thoughts to form in your head, making the healing process much harder. You should begin your day with an empowering morning ritual, such as priming, meditation, yoga, or journaling, and then get up and get engaged. Join a group, help with a new work project, or meet up with a friend for lunch or drinks. Keeping yourself busy will distract you from the split and enable your wounds to heal.
• Get off social media: When you are continuously reminded of someone you love, it is far more difficult to learn how to let go. Though social media allows you to stay in touch with friends and family, it is the exact opposite of what you need during a split. Staying away from social media will save you from seeing photographs or postings from your ex and help calm your anxiety. By staying off social media, you will have more space to health yourself at your pace and not get distracted by anything else.
• Practice self-care: Routines can provide a strong sense of comfort and normalcy. Eat healthily and exercise regularly. Avoid harmful coping mechanisms such as drinking or using drugs to numb the pain. Treat yourself as if you’re recovering from a disease. Rest well, eliminate other sources of stress in your life, and lessen your workload.
• Build self-confidence: separations and breakups can leave a person’s confidence in tatters. People begin to doubt their compatibility and think they don’t deserve happiness when they deserve just as much happiness are anyone else. You need to believe in yourself more than anyone else, and you have to believe that you alone are enough to take on the world. You will become unstoppable when you realize that you can be whatever you want without needing anyone else.
• Get help: people become emotionally fragile when they let go of a lover or an old friend. When people become emotionally fragile, they become mentally unstable, and they can make poor choices that might cause them harm. The best thing you can do during the time you feel emotionally unstable you should never hesitate to visit a psychiatrist or a counselor. Professionals can help the best to cope with your emotions.

If you follow the points discussed in this article section, you can move on more smoothly. It’s absolutely alright if you find it difficult to follow all these directions simultaneously because following them is challenging, to begin with. But if you put your mind to it and try your best, you can move on without problems.

Why is it hard to let go and move on?

Moving on from a relationship or a deep friendship takes a lot of mental fortitude. Our relationships and friendships throughout the years make us who we are, and letting go of someone with whom we shared some of our best moments can be devastating. If we let someone go, we will lose them forever and search for that part of ourselves for the rest of our lives.

Sometimes letting go is difficult because we begin to believe that we will never have anyone else to fill the void left by letting someone go. We start believing that no one else will love us and that we will be alone if we let that one get away. Moving on from a long-term relationship can make you feel unlovable and make you believe you don’t deserve love.

Some of the reasons for having difficulty moving on are as follows:

• Severe anxiety: One of the biggest psychological reasons for not being able to let go is severe anxiety. Anxiety is a mental condition in which you overthink and panic. Anxiety makes you think of various possible and improbable situations in your head. Anxiety can make you constantly rethink the many negative consequences of moving on from a relationship, which makes you stay in the relationship.
• Bipolar disorder: Bipolar disorder is a condition in which a person has constant mood swings. Bipolar disorder can make you feel different things at different times, preventing you from moving on. Bipolar disorders not only make the abused stay in an abusive relationship but can also trigger abusive behavior.
• Low self-esteem: Like we already discussed, having low self-esteem can make moving on a lot harder than it needs to be. When you notice a loved one becoming distant or too toxic to even speak with, you may begin to suspect that there is something wrong with you. Then you begin to believe that if he or she is leaving you despite everything, there is no way you will find someone new to replace them. The same can be said about both romantic relationships and letting go of old friend groups.
• Not being a fan of change: Letting go and moving on from someone necessitates making changes. You cannot let go of someone and think everything will be the same. Your life will change differently depending on who you’re letting go of. If you’re letting go of a long-term lover, then it’s likely your entire lifestyle will undergo changes. You will not have your lover around to share your sorrows with, to cuddle with, or to share any important moments with. If you can adapt to change, moving on becomes much easier.
• You’re scared of letting go: Fear is a powerful emotion, particularly in relationships. Even the most capable people can be kept in toxic relationships by the possibility of venturing out into the dating world and being afraid of never meeting someone again. A 2013 study found that people who are afraid of being single tend to stay in more in abusive relationships.
• Nostalgia: Nostalgia can prevent you from moving on. One possible reason you’re unable to move on is that you’re holding on to a fictitious, glamorized past that never existed. People say that when you let go, you only remember the good times you spent and never the bad. Every time you try to end it for good, you keep thinking of the laughs you shared and the wonderful moments you spent together. Even though you remember the good things about your relationship, you often forget the abusive parts. If you can overcome the nostalgia, you will have an easier time letting go.
• You’ve grown accustomed to the abuse: Many abusive relationships endure because someone in the couple becomes accustomed to the abuse. Some people believe becoming used to abusive relationships is a good thing. They believe it shows that someone’s adaptive, but living forcefully in an abusive relationship can be very damaging. Staying in abusive relationships can cause emotional and mental damage that, if left untreated, can cause permanent damage. It will make you doubt yourself and everything about you, making you more anxious. The relationship can also cause permanent bodily harm if it is physically abusive.
• Dependency: Another possible reason you can’t let go and move on is that you’re emotionally or materially dependent on your abusive partner. If you want someone to stay with you because you need them to get you out of trouble or for any other reason. If you depend on your partner too much, you will have difficulty letting go. In situations like this, you have to think for yourself above all. You need to concentrate on becoming independent on things you need other people’s help with.
• You feel threatened: Another possible reason you’re not able to let go of someone is that you feel threatened by what they might do to you if you don’t stay on their good side. It is common for people to stay in relationships because they feel threatened by their partner. In many abusive relationships, one threatens to hurt themselves or someone they love if they leave. In situations like this, you must hold onto your nerves and take precautions to prevent the one you’re leaving from causing damage.

The factors we discussed in this section of the article are some of the common reasons people find it difficult to move on from abusive relationships. Though these are among the most common factors that stop you from moving on, they can be overcome. If you think you’re being stopped for any of these reasons, you should first talk to a psychiatrist or a counselor.

What are the steps to letting go of something you love?

Letting go of something or someone you care about sends you on an emotional rollercoaster. You will feel different emotions when you try to move on from a long relationship. It will help you cope better with your emotions if you know the steps leading to closure.

According to Swiss-American psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, there are five stages of coming to terms with grief. Even though she came up with the five stages of grief, many psychiatrists have applied the same model to explain the process of letting go.

We have listed all the emotional steps you must go through before closure. The steps for finally letting someone go are as listed below:

• Denial: Denial is the refusal to admit the presence of a personal problem or reality to avoid it. This is distinguished by shock or speechlessness. When in denial, you look for ways to prove to you that everything’s alright and will get back to normal again. The denial period is typically brief. Most people learn to accept grief as reality soon after entering it. However, some people use denial to cope with their emotions until the end.
• Anger: as denial begins to fade away and reality starts seeping in, you will become angry. You will be angry at yourself, your partner, and everything around you because you will be looking for excuses to blame someone or something for your situation. You will feel extreme anger and the urge to destroy everything around you. For some people, this stage is short, but for others, the anger can last a lifetime.
• Bargaining: The bargaining stage occurs as anger slowly begins to disappear. You realize no amount of anger can fix your issues. In this stage, you will bargain with yourself that not everything is lost, you’re only exaggerating, and everything will return to normal. You may even beg your partner to stay even though you don’t want him or her to. Individuals who reach this stage soon realize that negotiating does not work and must progress to the next step.
• Depression: Depression is the point at which you realize you’ve lost but haven’t totally accepted it. It’s when you realize there’s nothing you can do but aren’t ready to accept it. When you’re in the depressive stage, you don’t feel like talking to anyone, spend most of your time weeping, and have difficulty eating. Many people become stuck at this stage because they are not yet ready to fully accept the truth they are dealing with. However, once they have passed this step, they will feel better since they have reached the final level: acceptance.
• Acceptance: Acceptance is the final stage of letting go. As you develop your “new reality,” you will experience inner peace. It’s because you let yourself go through the grief, anger, despair, and remorse processes. This is the point at which you realize and accept what you’re going through and decide to move forward.

Summary

When you plan on letting someone go from your life for good, you need to have a strong psyche. You can’t let emotions dictate your actions; always try to be rational. You have to remember that if you’re letting off someone who has caused you psychological, social, or physical harm, they deserve to be kicked out of your life.

Never feel guilty for letting someone wrong you. Life is full of opportunities and problems, and if you have toxic people, they will drain all your positive energy. Always prioritize your mental and physical well-being over people who don’t value your well-being.

Finally, always stay calm, don’t get too excited, and think clearly and act on them. As long as you focus on your well-being and start becoming independent, you will notice that not only has moved on become easier; but your life will be much better than before.

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