Most of the time, breaking up with someone isn’t easy as it seems. Ending a relationship is sometimes potentially hurting someone. So it’s vital to be prepared for the situation and what’s ahead by thinking through the break-up logistics.
Where to break up with someone is a more challenging and vital decision than you think. You must want to pick a place that can make it easy for you to break up with your partner without any disturbance.
When thinking of a place to break up, you must consider a few things-the range of emotions like sadness, anger, or indifference and the length of your conversation. Choose a location that can facilitate your discussion and meet your objectives.
If you think you two will have a lengthy conversation, think of where you can sit peacefully without any disturbance. Also, consider choosing a site where you don’t frustrate other people.
When Relationship End
The start of the relationship is always exciting. You can’t wait to see your girlfriend or boyfriend; seeing them feel the same feeling feels heavenly. In a new relationship, excitement can overcome everything.
But unfortunately, nothing stays new forever. Things started to change when the couples got to know each other personalities. In some cases, the couple becomes closer and gets comfortable together, while in other cases, the relationship ends.
There are many different reasons why people break up, but growing apart is the common one. You may find that your feelings, values, interests, and ideas are entirely different. The sudden change in your thoughts and feelings about the other person can be because you no longer enjoy being together.
Maybe because you two are constantly arguing, as you two have different opinions. Or you might have developed strong feelings for some other person. Or perhaps you have just realized you don’t want to be in a serious relationship.
Most people have to go through break-ups in their lives. Even when you think about it, it hurts though it’s best for your future.
Make sure you want to break up.
Before breaking up with your partner, make sure you want to break up. You want to do a breakup once you have thoroughly gone through it with a clear mind. Talk with your partner before directly breaking up if you have any concerns.
I have seen many people going through sudden breakup announcements, and they will be like I am leaving today. Such a shock level can be traumatizing and hard to forget for your partner. It’s better to be a little kinder towards the relationship, and before taking any significant step, have a deep conversation with your partner.
Relationships can be saved with both sides’ understanding and cooperation. Going through the thought-out process means you are not making a rash decision you will regret later.
You can’t control their reaction.
No matter how you break the news or how empathetically you say it, you won’t control their reaction. There is no guarantee that the breakup conversation will go smoothly. Many factors can affect how well the other person understands your thoughts.
It’s the point you must think about before having the breakup conversation. For example, if you catch up ending the relationship on a particular day, like a birthday or anniversary, you will make them extra pissed.
Deliver the news face to face.
If you feel safe breaking the news to your partner in person, you owe them a face-to-face break-up conversation. Breaking up face to face is more complicated than on the phone, but doing so will show them that you respect their feelings.
But if you feel threatened by your soon-to-be ex or may be due to the pandemic, you can do it virtually on a phone or video call.
Pick an appropriate place.
You are wondering where to break up with someone. There is no proper place to have this conversation. But still, try to put yourself in your partner’s shoes and think about where you should have a breakup conversation. But remember going to places with many people around or distractions like loud music in a restaurant isn’t an ideal option.
Select a place to discuss and listen to each other without disturbance freely. So, it’s best to avoid all public areas. It will be unfair for the receiving end to have an emotional breakdown in a public place.
It’s a private conversation that demands an intimate setting and allows them to show you the door in case they become uncomfortable. Again it’s when you feel safe doing so. If you are worried about your safety due to their aggressive nature, go to a public place like a busy park or a restaurant where your friend can wait near you.
Acknowledge that it’s going to be painful.
If you and your partner have been in a good relationship for a long time, then know it will cause them pain. It will still hurt even if you agree it’s best for your future. Reminding yourself that you are trying to make the relationship work will lower the pain. You should show empathy towards your partner but not by taking the blame on yourself. It’s not your fault alone; you can’t take over-responsibility for what happens.
In addition, know that you can’t have a conversation that will satisfy them, so don’t try to set a goal of ending it on a happy note.
While having a conversation, don’t beat around the bush. If you are uncomfortable, give them a direct hint that you are here to have a breakup conversation. A less candid conversation sounds like a kinder approach, but trust me, it hurts more. The best thing is to tell them that you don’t think you two are a good fit anymore.
Don’t go into explanations.
Avoid listing why you don’t think the relationship isn’t a good fit for you. These things will make this experience even more traumatizing for the other person. If your partner is forcing you to tell the reason behind the decision, acknowledge their thoughts and give them a reason or two.
Before giving them the reason, remember to frame it from the “I” point of view. Or otherwise, it would be ideal for providing an overall statement that you don’t think you two are a good fit. But if you are willing to give each other another chance, going into these little details might be beneficial.
Never leave things open-ended.
You may want to lower the pressure by giving them a hint about a future reconciliation, but never say such a thing if there is no possibility. Don’t give anyone false hope. Don’t say maybe after some time, they will be waiting for your phone call forever.
Tell them the truth if you think you two are not suitable as life partners and things will not work even in the future. Tell the truth will make them get over you sooner.
Get ready for several reactions.
You don’t know how your partner will react to the decision. So prepare yourself for different reactions.
Understand the situation and say, “You have every right to be angry.” It can have a slight change in the environment. Be calm in this situation; don’t increase your anger by raising your rage.
Before continuing the conversation, ask them if they are okay or want to take a few minutes to break. But if they are getting abusive, stand for yourself, take the initiative by telling them it’s inappropriate, and end the conversation. Staying in a relationship is wrong because you fear your partner’s behavior.
Show empathy towards your partner with a hug or other polite gestures like holding hands. But make yourself prepared to be rudely declined as the news also devasts them.
When they promise to change
If they are making promises for the future, politely tell them that you appreciate it but want to end the relationship because it is not a good fit. Even if they want to change, you will not change the decision.
Tell them you will appreciate it if they change their behavior for their selves but not for others.
Do’s and Don’ts in a breakup
Every situation is different, and there is no one solution for all problems. But here are some do’s and don’t that you must consider before initiating a breakup conversation.
- Why you want it: Be true to yourself and take enough time to think thoroughly about your decision. You must do it sensitively.
- Be honest: Tell your partner what attracted you in the first place and made you fall for them. Then tell them why you want to move on. Honesty doesn’t mean being harsh on the other person. Don’t pick every little reason you have for the breakup. Be polite and tell them that you don’t think you two can make the relationship work.
- Good intentions: Let your partner know that she matters to you. While going through the breakup, be kind, honest, and cheerful.
- Consider their reaction beforehand: Will they be surprised, sad, or mad? Thinking about your partner’s feelings before breaking up will make you sensitive. It will also prepare you for their reaction, and you will know how to go through it.
- Say it face to face: Until now, you must have spent a lot of time together. Respect their feelings, as everyone at least deserves a face-to-face conversation. If they live far away, then have a video chat or phone call. It seems easy to do it in the text but think about how you will feel if they had done that to you.
- Don’t avoid the conversation: Dragging things will make it harder for both of you. When thinking of such thoughts, you might share them with others, and information leaks. You must not want your partner to hear from others that you want to end the relationship.
- Don’t disrespect: Speak about your ex with respect. Don’t disrespect them by gossiping with others. Think of yourself in the same situation. You never know what is going to happen in the future. They may become your future partner’s friend, or you may have a reconciliation.
- Don’t jump into a breakup conversation without thinking it through. Arbitrary and sudden decisions often make you say things you regret in the future.
How to politely break up with someone?
Here are a few steps to politely break up with someone:
- Tell your partner that you want to talk about something important.
- Start the conversation with something that you value in their personality.
- Tell them what’s not working in the relationship.
- Tell them you want to end the relationship.
- Make them realize that you are sorry for hurting them.
- Say friendly and positive things.
How to break up with someone you love?
Here are the few steps to follow if you want to break up with someone you love:
- Consider all the logistics.
- Choose the right and respectful place to break up.
- Be clear with them.
- Avoid saying hurtful things.
- Own the breakup.
- Prepare yourself beforehand for their reaction.
- Keep the distance.
- Be respectful.
- Stick with your decision.
Is it okay to break up on the phone?
A phone call can be okay if you are in a long-distance relationship. If you have gone on only two to three dates, you can end the relationship by phone. But they deserve a face-to-face conversation if you have been in the relationship for a long time.
Is it okay to break up over text?
If the thought of breaking up with someone stresses you immensely, it’s reasonable to break up over text. It will give you the required time to gather your thoughts and understand what you want to say.
There is no easy and happy way to break up with someone. Whether it’s a long-term or short-term relationship, there are many things you must consider before going through a breakup conversation. A breakup will hurt both partners but letting go of things is part of life. Every time you achieve it, your life gets better.
Know that it’s okay to break up with someone despite what others say. You are not wrong for thinking of a better future. But where to break up with someone? Try to be thoughtful of the receiving end and choose a place where you can freely talk to each other without any disturbance.
Going through a breakup is hard, so select a place where your partner can freely show his emotions. Don’t go to a public site; it can worsen things.