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When your ex is dating someone else

R Sehar

Have you been handling the divorce or breaking up the process well? You have gone through confusing feelings like go or stay and all the hard decisions that come with the feeling of leaving.

You are unaware of the feeling when your ex is dating someone else. You are having a storm of emotions due to rage of waves, resentment, and self-doubt that is crashing over you. You must have been feeling that your blood has frozen and is continuously stinging you all the time. What’s even worse is that is all you are thinking about.

Are they riding that motorcycle right now? Are they holding hands? They must have gone to the restaurants that he always said are way too expensive for us. They must have skipped office hours to be in bed as we like. Are they in a physical relationship?

In your imaginary world, you have seen your whole life with him. But now someone might be sexier, hotter, more fun, and more interesting, and now she is playing your role. But what’s hurting the most is that your ex has now become a different, more caring, and loving person with her.

When your ex starts dating right away after breaking up

Here are some vital things to consider if your ex has instantly started dating after your breakup.

If you and your ex have a better relationship together than apart, then know you could benefit each other more than their current relationship. Don’t you owe them the chance to choose what’s better for them?

I am not saying you must damage their current relationship or break their new marriage. But if you think you two are much better together, then let them make a choice instead of making a decision for them.

But if you believe that he is much happier in his new relationship and they look good together, then instead of interfering in their life, let them be glad in their life. But when your ex instantly starts dating someone new after his breakup, then it’s psychologically typical. The ex is trying to get his life back to the same point as before his split. It’s a prevalent rebound relationship that is called displacement.

Your ex may want to get to the same level of commitment in their new relationship as they have with you. A new relationship takes a lot of time to get to where they move in together. But your ex-boyfriend and his new relationship have been living in the same apartment for two weeks.

How to deal with when your ex is dating someone else?

Here are some best ideas to help you heal from a failed relationship when your ex is dating others. Here are some tips that will help you to take action. It will also help you to forget the past and move on with your life as soon as possible.

1. Burn the Boats

After going through a breakup, it’s common to have feelings and questions like; does my ex miss me? And looking for the signs that he still feels for you or has moved forward in his life. But these questions will make it more difficult to heal from the breakup.

These thoughts are difficult to handle and can destroy mental peace and stable feelings. These thoughts can convince you to call your ex and ask them to get back; that’s not the best option, especially when they have already started dating someone else.

It’s better to take the next step to altogether remove this person from entering your life. Please remove all the photos, remove their phone number from contacts, and unfollow all their social media accounts. Unfortunately, some people take the burn-the-boat process further by setting up a revenge plan. You may get your revenge, but it’s a petty act that is not good for your karma.

However, I do recommend making it extremely difficult for you to contact them. If they are dating someone else, you can do the same and move on. The easiest way to move on in your life is to remove all the evidence of his existence.

2. Feel your feelings

Whether you were together for a few weeks or more than a decade, living together or in a long-distance relationship, you must have strong feelings for your ex. When you two were together, you must have imagined spending your whole life with him. Seeing them with someone else hurts and triggers bitter feelings, but that’s normal.

Having feelings for him doesn’t mean you love him, but it does tell you still care for him. It makes you sad and insulted that he has moved on so fast after your breakup. Seeing him falling in love makes you sad that you are still struggling with the feelings, but he is enjoying his life. Remember the fact that his dating life has nothing to do with you.

3. Have compassion for yourself

Running into your former partner and their new girlfriend is normal, too; try to be polite and keep the encounter brief. It’s natural to feel uncomfortable, even if it was your idea to break up with him. Psychological research says that maintaining contact with your ex-boyfriend can result in physiological stress. The study was conducted for five months on 100 adults who had recently gone through a separation.

Besides, this distressed feeling will force you to compare yourself with his new girlfriend. The comparison is terrible for your mental health and self-esteem. You will start thinking she is more attractive, making you regret your decision. Such things can make you consider reconciling even if you don’t want to.

It’s best to have a sense of forgiveness and compassion for yourself. It’s common to have thoughts and regrets afterward. But try building self-control, seek support, and move on.

4. Mindfulness

It’s important to realize that your vivid thoughts activate these painful and scary feelings. In reality, nothing is happening to you. You are breathing, doing your job and the chores. Anchoring yourself to the present reality will create a strong barrier between the thoughts and reality.

Use all your senses to look around the room, wall, and furniture. Notice the shape and color of things. Hear the noise of the children whining in the coffee shop or music through your headphone.

Feel the floor under your feet, breath passing through the nostrils. Emotions are not more than physical sensations. That is why we know them as feelings. Notice the feeling of your heart without judgment and let it heal.

5. Remember the reason behind break up

Only some couples do break up with someone you have seen your future with. A divorce or a breakup takes a lot of consideration, and there must be some valid reason behind it.

Keep these reasons in mind whenever you start feeling jealous or sad. Think if you want them back in your life. Remind yourself of the reason behind the breakup. Once you start doing that, you will overcome negative thoughts about your ex and his new partner. It will also help you to move on with your life.

6. Use this experience to improve yourself

While in a relationship, you must have imagined your whole life and the success with your partner that you want to achieve. It’s okay; we all do it. However, a person doesn’t suddenly break up with their partner when she is delighted with their life goals.

You can never split with a partner treating you exceptionally well, being honest with you, and is caring. There is always a reason for the person taking such a big step. It would help if you were uncomfortable with your life and wanted to improve yourself.

7. Try moving forward

Are you uncomfortable that your ex is with someone else because you are still dealing with the past? If you have strong feelings about yourself and feel extremely hurt seeing him with others. It makes you think and overthink every little thing, effectively ruining your day.

Take a step back to move on with your life. Leave your past in the past; it can sound intimidating, but it is the best way to improve your life. You are the most crucial person in your life, and keeping yourself happy and satisfied is essential.

8. Try to be happy

No matter how much conflict there was in your relationship. Ask your inner self if you want him to be unhappy. Even if your immediate answer is yes, deep down, you want him to be happy. After all, when you were getting into a relationship with him, you thought he was the perfect person who deserved love.

Letting go is a whole procedure that takes effort and time. Once you let go of all the harsh feelings in your heart, you will realize that deep down, you want him to be happy. Even if it takes breaking up with them and seeing them with someone else.

9. Shift your thoughts

When you have overcome the stage of obsession, you understand reality. The best step to get rid of the thoughts of your ex is by shifting the attention to the things that bring pleasure and positivity in your life.

Go for lunch and shopping with your best friend and make weekend plans. If its hardtop shifts your attention to the last things, then do something that you enjoy in the present moment, like listening to your favorite song, petting your dog, and watching a movie. Shifting thoughts is very important as when you start doing it, and you will see that the thoughts about your ex will get weaker.

10. Putting all together

It’s common to get stabbed in the brain with the image of your ex dating a hot chick. Become aware that it’s just a thought about something that doesn’t concern you. Shift your thoughts to the present moment, the thing you are doing, and do mediation.

Deliberately try making plans with your family or friend for the weekend. Repeat this process to completely forget about your past and move on with your life. Shifting your thoughts or working on your feelings doesn’t mean you are ignoring yourself. Obsessing and processing are always different.

By continuously thinking about your ex, you are picking the scab and not letting it heal. To grow and succeed in your life, you must eliminate these obsessing feelings.

Strategies for moving forward

When your ex is dating someone else, don’t cope with your feelings through old and unhealthy mechanisms like heavy drinking. Take proper care of your physical and mental health. Just because they are dating, someone else doesn’t mean that they have entirely forgotten or devalued you. It’s just that they are moving on with their life.

Here are some best ways to get over this breakup feeling:

Take your break up as the opportunity to improve your life

Rather than taking your breakup as a terrible experience, please take it as a step to improve your life better than before. Now you are single and have a lot of time on your hand. Indeed the breakup results in building negative thoughts like revenge or proving to your ex that you were better for him.

The best thing to do is to take this extra time and your breakup as the motivation to work on yourself and your career. Work on your hobby, launch your business idea, travel the world, and work on your fitness. In short, do whatever you have ever desired.

These new projects will make you a busy bee and will avoid getting thoughts about the ex and his new girlfriend. You may be considering moving to another city for a promotion in your career. For sure, it’s the ideal time and the best opportunity. Besides, it will minimize the chances of seeing your ex and their new partner.

Conclusion

It is common to get upset after knowing your ex-boyfriend is already dating someone. Don’t let this news take a toll on your mental or physical health. Reach out to your honest friends or the dearest family member so you can share your feelings and have a word of advice with a magical hug. These little hugs are powerful as they release the neurotransmitters and endorphins that can increase feelings of pleasure and joy.

If you aren’t comfortable sharing your secrets, then consult a qualified therapist so that he can help you to move on. Most psychotherapists recommend reframing techniques that help in shifting the mind. Generally, the recommended psychotherapies in such cases include acceptance and commitment therapy and cognitive behavior therapy.

FAQ’s

• What to do when your ex is dating someone else?

Here are the top 5 ways to deal with your emotions when your ex is dating someone else:

1. Self-awareness
2. Mindfulness
3. Shifting thoughts
4. Putting all together
5. Get real help

• When am I sad when my ex is dating?

During the period you two were together, you must have imagined spending your whole life with him. Seeing him with the other person breaks your heart, and it’s normal to have such feelings. Being sad seeing him with others means you still love him but still care for him.

• Do exes get back after dating another person?

Yes, there are many cases in which the exes get back together after their new relationship. Dating a new person can make him realize your importance and love. But that is not certain in all cases, as your ex can happily move forward with their partner into a stronger relationship.

• Why am I feeling hurt seeing him with others?

Having such feelings means that you are still stuck in the past. Having a little soft corner in your heart for him will only make things difficult for you. It can affect your daily activities and mental health. So instead of dwelling in the past, try moving on with your life.

Also Read: Texts to get your Ex-boyfriend back